THE WILL TO DIE – PORTRAIT OF A LONELY MAN
Age: 50
Health: Good
Marital Status: Twice Divorced
Children: 5
I write this in an attempt at coming to terms with my current and on-going thoughts and feelings.
I will come straight to the point – I am lonely! Despite being a loving, caring, monogamous, romantic man, I have had a string of unsuccessful relationships. That which I desire most – a happy and fulfilling life long partnership with a wonderful woman – evades me. Yes, I know full well the common denominator here is me, and I take responsibility for the lack of success – clearly I’m doing something wrong.
My interests lie predominantly in the arts, and I am a member of a community theatre group. I love to be on stage and have been told I’m a very good actor. Despite this, I have no friends to speak of – a number of acquaintances yes – but no actual friends. It appears I have greater success with fiction than reality.
I was recently made redundant from the company where I have worked for the past 5 years. Despite being experienced in a few different fields, I have no formal qualifications or degrees. Yesterday I applied for a job that encompassed all my fields of expertise – upon looking over my CV, the interviewer commented that the role was tailor made for me – then said I was the oldest applicant to date! I have no doubt that had I been 10 years younger, I would have been hired on the spot.
I live alone in a 1bdrm rental apartment in Auckland, and materially have nothing to show for my 50 years.
I am well groomed – I take pride in my appearance – and have been told I’m attractive.
Feelings of despair and loneliness have now taken firm hold, and I want to die. I have had more than my fair share of heartache and have reached my limit – the will to die is rapidly out-weighing the will to live.
“To be or NOT to be…..that is the question”