THE WILL TO DIE – PORTRAIT OF A LONELY MAN
Age: 50
Health: Good
Marital Status: Twice Divorced
Children: 5
I write this in an attempt at coming to terms with my current and on-going thoughts and feelings.
I will come straight to the point – I am lonely! Despite being a loving, caring, monogamous, romantic man, I have had a string of unsuccessful relationships. That which I desire most – a happy and fulfilling life long partnership with a wonderful woman – evades me. Yes, I know full well the common denominator here is me, and I take responsibility for the lack of success – clearly I’m doing something wrong.
My interests lie predominantly in the arts, and I am a member of a community theatre group. I love to be on stage and have been told I’m a very good actor. Despite this, I have no friends to speak of – a number of acquaintances yes – but no actual friends. It appears I have greater success with fiction than reality.
I was recently made redundant from the company where I have worked for the past 5 years. Despite being experienced in a few different fields, I have no formal qualifications or degrees. Yesterday I applied for a job that encompassed all my fields of expertise – upon looking over my CV, the interviewer commented that the role was tailor made for me – then said I was the oldest applicant to date! I have no doubt that had I been 10 years younger, I would have been hired on the spot.
I live alone in a 1bdrm rental apartment in Auckland, and materially have nothing to show for my 50 years.
I am well groomed – I take pride in my appearance – and have been told I’m attractive.
Feelings of despair and loneliness have now taken firm hold, and I want to die. I have had more than my fair share of heartache and have reached my limit – the will to die is rapidly out-weighing the will to live.
“To be or NOT to be…..that is the question”
Hopeing you are still around, lets get real! You say you have 5 children?, how do you think they would feel? I have 5 as well and many a times i have thought that i or the children would be better off if i were dead! my life at the moment is complete crap, but you have to get to the realisation that your children (and grandchildren) are your whole reason for being here in the first place! so concentrate spending your time with them and everything else will fall in place. A watched kettle never boils.
love happens when you least expect it!!
hold in there, you’re only 50.